My fear..had never seen it so deep..and so close..

Posted: February 16, 2010 in wat i ve seen!!!

I remember it was a Thursday evening and it was quite a dull day or may be i felt it was dull because whole day i was busy bidding good-bye to my relatives in my home town Belgaum.For a person who has stayed in a place for 18 years the bonding is pretty a strong one.Although my decision of pursuing an engineering course shook many of my relatives and family friends; the choice of choosing MS Ramaiah Institute of Technology Bangalore was also an equally a shocker of a news from a guy who s father who is the chairman of a 30 bed hospital in the city.But somehow it was quite a digestible one because my non medical inclinations were very much evident.

I reached Bangalore the next day and waited 2 more days for my Mom to come over to help me get settled in the hostel.And thus begun my journey which i never knew would change my life so much and mould me into a person which i am today writing this blog entry.Certainly from my thinking to the rationality of my decisions everything has undergone massive evolution and changes.Atleast for the past one year i was living a dream of a lifetime in this college.From being a part of team which won the VTU Annual fest to visiting Oxford UK for a debate and not to forget the first time i tried behaving like an engineer by carrying a project under Mam.Time just flew off doing various activities like tech fests..organizing department events and moreover being with friends.

About 15 days ago i heard Mam telling me that she wanted to meet the current department students committee to plan events for this semester; and among those events she mentioned our FAREWELL.At first i didn think much about it; but suddenly i went through a time which i feel is the worst of my fears in my lifetime.That evening as i was returning from college to my room i happen to stay in the empty college canteen for sometime.I sat there for about an hour glimpsing at a flash back of  my college life.First time i got my sem results…first batch trip with friends..time when i failed for the first time in my exams..when i felt lost in crowd..the whole new family i got here in form of my hostel…when i got my first job!Most of all a thought came in which happen to kill all the processes present in my brain.What next in life? Here in college i had a lifestyle..i knew people here..i had a guide who used to help me take steps..friends who used to be around when i needed them..i could live a life which i had dreamt of while coming to Bangalore.And soon all of this was going to end soon.I could no longer have those lazy chats in classes with olive,poo,dhar and ani…no ultra active debates with my debsoc…no more organizing department events which i loved so much…moreover no college life which my body and mind had got so used to and just couldn think anything like coming out of it.I still remember that night i neither could have my dinner nor sleep well and slowly i started sinking in the greatest fear of my life.I began thinking about it almost everytime  i was idle and thanks to just 3 days of class it just builded up.With me imprisoned in deep thoughts of this fear frustration crept in and my insecurities just crawled into my life.Dont know my replies and attitude towards everything in life changed.Soon the questions also increased..How would be my job? Would my boss treat me same way as my guide here? would i ever get a chance to do things that i loved..organize..debate..public…in short live the dream which i was doing till now!!Whole of this continued for a week or two..i just couldn do anything nor did i know why was i so irritated in life..i would plant myself in front of the comp and watch movies at a stretch..or just shut my eyes and sleep away to glory unaware of the world around.But slowly i guess this fear is vanishing because i certainly am seeing my relations around getting affected due to this behavior.Even now as i write this blog; not that i have grown out of that fear but still i am trying to live every moment of my life here and do all the things which i loved doing here..I know it shows me getting emotionally drained  here..but still this fear which i have seen in past some days in my life i hope will help me grow a lot stronger and humane in my life..

Love you friends..Love you MSRIT…Love you Life!

Hoping against a bad hope-


  1. olivia says:

    ashuuuuuuuuuu 🙂 ….luv u guys man!! 🙂 ….jus don’t wanna leave coll too.its been so much fun here…. scary wen i think of farewell n all…will miss u ppl loads … 😦 😦 sob 😦 sob 😦

  2. Varun says:

    Gr8 Blog Entry Ashwath!! Can Feel Ur Emotions!…..

  3. pooja says:

    hey ashuuuu 🙂 seriusly da.. cant accept the fact that it’ll all be over in another 4 5 months.. still remember the 1st day i came to this college.. and so soon we are standing at the edge of our engineering life.. just today we happened to speak about all this farewell thing and now got to read ur blog :)soo lucky to have had you,ani,oliv and dhar in my life.. its you people who have made this part of my life the best 🙂 thank you soooooo much :)my 1st day in col wit dhar, malleshvaram chat wit oliv,vtu fest wit ashu, and stupid talks and laughs with ani :)and the famous kehna hai kyaaaaaa wit ashu and ani :)ha ha!!woww!! couldnt have asked for a better college life than this 🙂 dont know wher life is gonna take us after this! but the time i have spent with you guys, those memories, will last forever 🙂 and i’m sure we will all keep in touch and keep having the same fun we had in msrit!! a beginning to this fun is the fact tat all of us are placed in infosys :)cheers to Mr. Narayan Murthy :)once again thanks to all of u for making msrit so special for me 🙂

  4. Gururaj P says:

    This article took me back down the memory lane. The 4 years of engineering college are truly a life experience of pure bliss and innocence. You go through all possible human emotions to last for a lifetime. It is at this juncture that you wish you had the power to bring time to a standstill.I wish that was possible!

    But as in other things, life is a journey and must continue, you have finished just one leg of it:-)
    Wish you all the best for the next part of journey

  5. The 1st word that came in my mind when I read this post was -WOW !
    It was like u trespassed into my mental property … stole my feelings … and penned it down !! 😉
    Sarcasm apart- Each and every word of it is true …. I got a glimpse of it all in front of my eyes- so well written 🙂
    Lots of memories to cherish… All the new experiences in life .. the PEHLA NASHA feeling !! … I get that gut-wrenching sensation all the time!
    Its like you lived a beautiful dream which’s coming to an end . and you are scared to wake up 😦
    I still doubt my inner ability – will I be able to handle my life all by myself from here on ? But that’s life . you have to -MOVE ON! and trust me, the next phase’s gonna be as memorable as this one… explore life ! CHEERS 🙂

  6. Rishabh says:

    Hey man! Great post! I’m in my 8th sem too… Seems like just yesterday that we joined college; and before you know it, it’s already about to get over…

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